If Week One was about finding direction, Week Two has been about trying not to fall apart along the way.
I’ve been feeling like a walking contradiction — the girl who preaches calm but can’t seem to find any. I keep telling myself that this project isn’t about perfection, it’s about progress, but lately even that feels heavy. I wake up already behind. I go to bed feeling like I’ve failed at everything that matters — motherhood, the house, my body, my creative work, even my so-called “energy focus.” Every part of me feels like it’s running on fumes and self-criticism.
And the hardest part? People expect the cheerful version of me — the one who turns pain into paragraphs and mess into meaning. But she’s been quieter this week. Not gone, just buried under the kind of tired that lives deep in the bones. I keep showing up because I want to, because this community matters to me, but I’d be lying if I said it’s easy.
There’s this ache that comes from being seen only in your strongest moments. When you start to slip, even a little, it feels like you’re letting everyone down — especially yourself. I know I’m still moving, still trying, still doing the work in small, imperfect ways. But it’s been hard to feel proud of that lately.
This week wasn’t a gentle wave of progress. It was a tangle of emotions, heat, exhaustion, and self-doubt. But I’m writing it anyway, because I promised to be honest — and sometimes honesty looks a lot like survival.
“This week isn’t about perfection,
it’s about direction.”
The Calm Before Christmas – Week One Action List
1. Choose one focus for the week (Energy).
Did I stay focused on energy instead of trying to fix everything at once?
2. Eat a real lunch each day.
Did I have one proper lunch with something green most days?
3. Cook four home dinners.
Not six. Not perfect. Just four.
4. Have one treat each day without guilt.
Did I actually let myself enjoy it?
5. Drink more water than the day before.
Bare-minimum hydration goal.
6. Check in after meals.
Did I ask “Did this help my energy?” instead of judging myself?
7. Move enough to feel slightly better.
A short walk, one-song dance, a tidy-up, stretches — anything that nudged the mood.
8. Take one grounding photo a day.
Not perfect images — just proof something good existed.
9. One small gratitude moment daily.
A single thought, not a list.
10. One deep breath before responding.
Did I actually pause? Even once?
11. Ten minutes each night to tidy or decompress.
Not a big clean — just a reset or wind-down.
12. Pick one space to fully reset.
Bench, desk, corner of doom — did I clear one place for my brain to land?
13. Finish the week with more energy than I started with.
The main goal. The only goal, really.
20 November 2025
I woke up around 5 am and couldn’t fall back asleep, neither could Ruby. She ended up wanting a bottle of milk, I ended up wanting breakfast. I knew it was early but I wanted a little morning comfort. I grabbed a low carb bagel with cream cheese, and salami. A little higher in calories than I need but definitely delicious.
Ruby ended up going back to sleep around 7.30 am and I continued my task of replying to comments. While being sick it’s taken me three times as long to reply to comments, and I haven’t had much energy to be out there engaging. I miss the interactions with such a wonderful community.
Come and join us: facebook.com/emmadeelightau
My energy is still low, so this week’s plan is perfect.
Daily Check-In Questions
- Did I focus on energy instead of trying to fix everything at once? No
- Did I eat one proper lunch today, with something green? Yes
- Did I take one guilt-free treat and actually enjoy it? Yes
- Did I drink more water than yesterday? Yes
- After each meal, did I ask: “Did this help my energy?” No
- Did I move my body enough to feel even slightly better? No
- Did I take one grounding photo today? No
- Did I notice one tiny moment of gratitude? Yes
- Did I pause for one deep breath before responding? Yes
- Did I spend ten minutes tidying or decompressing tonight? Yes
- Did I reset one small space for my brain to land? Yes
21 November 2025
Friday morning came with my usual chaos of I have so much to do before the weekend and I have no desire to do any of it because bed is comfortable, my face is tired and you can’t make me.
I started the day with ordering breakfast. Okay, so it wasn’t my finest move but I knew it was the right one for keeping me full all day, and removing the stress while I tried to get into doing some content prep. I’m working on a side project which I wanted to release a month ago, so I worked on that a little, before being distracted by my normal content.
I got a load of laundry done, managed to tidy up and started working on a big clean up task. A lot of thing still need to be sorted (by anyone else but me), so that project has been put back on pause.
When I went for a shower, the shower screen had come off the rail. Let me give you a little insight. The bathroom is an original from 1978. It’s barely functioning at this point but I do not have that phat bathroom reno money. So, we just keep on keeping on. I tried to put the door back in its place and cut my thumb on a weird little protruding piece of glass. (Full blown panic mode now that I need that bathroom reno more than I chose to admit.)
So, when dinner came around, my thumb, my attitude, and my perimenopausal brain all said ‘Oh hell nah!’ and we ordered dinner. We picked three very specific meals from KFC that catered to all our wants. A favourite mega mix of chicken and hope. When it was delivered, it was the wrong order. NO! The mix up was because the driver delivered two orders to people with the same first name.
We spent the rest of the night angry, arguing, and trying to redeem our money from this shambles of a delivery event. In between, we tried to do enjoyable things but the tension was there. The disappointment was there.
I don’t remember much else from the day. I assume sleep came swiftly.
Daily Check-In Questions
- Did I focus on energy instead of trying to fix everything at once? No
- Did I eat one proper lunch today, with something green? No
- Did I take one guilt-free treat and actually enjoy it? Yes
- Did I drink more water than yesterday? Yes
- After each meal, did I ask: “Did this help my energy?” No
- Did I move my body enough to feel even slightly better? No
- Did I take one grounding photo today? No
- Did I notice one tiny moment of gratitude? Yes
- Did I pause for one deep breath before responding? No
- Did I spend ten minutes tidying or decompressing tonight? Yes
- Did I reset one small space for my brain to land? Yes
22 November 2025
Saturday morning started with me putting together a makeshift breakfast. I was late at ordering groceries, so we couldn’t try something new. We could only have what the fridge and cupboard held captive. It was okay. I managed to make breakfast wraps with hashbrowns. It’s a classic and made some happy tummies.
After breakfast the groceries arrived and I did the usual, I spent how much? And this is it? scenario in my head. I think that’s a reason I’ve been really off the grocery game. Living is expensive.
Instead of stressing about content, socials, and things I can’t control, I played WoW. With EJ home, we teamed up, and got a lot done in Legion Remix. IYKYK. That was weaved throughout our entire day.
I made an easy lunch of leftover chicken, and pork loaded wedges/fries for the boys. I just had some leftover sweet potato fries. It was a great way to use up three bags with a handful of product from the freezer.
For dinner I made a Bolognese sauce, with gnocchi and it was delicious.
A day of food and fun. It was the Saturday we were all needing.
Daily Check-In Questions
- Did I focus on energy instead of trying to fix everything at once? Yes
- Did I eat one proper lunch today, with something green? No
- Did I take one guilt-free treat and actually enjoy it? Yes
- Did I drink more water than yesterday? No
- After each meal, did I ask: “Did this help my energy?” No
- Did I move my body enough to feel even slightly better? No
- Did I take one grounding photo today? No
- Did I notice one tiny moment of gratitude? Yes
- Did I pause for one deep breath before responding? No
- Did I spend ten minutes tidying or decompressing tonight? Yes
- Did I reset one small space for my brain to land? Yes
23 November 2025
We have been having take away breakfasts for the last few weeks but today, it was a home cooked delight. In an attempt to get out of cooking lunch too, I made a BIG breakfast. It’s similar to something McDonalds has been selling, but more filling.
I made a sausage and egg English muffin, a bacon and egg English muffin and a hashbrown. With an energy drink on the side instead of coffee. I was so full, I didn’t need to eat again until dinner. That felt like a win and meant that I could just relax.
We continued our day with playing more WoW, and watching episodes of Ted Lasso. It was relaxing. It was a way to just turn my brain off. It was a way to connect with my family. I’ve been needing to just turn my brain off for a while, to slow down and stop stressing. It worked.
For dinner, I cooked beef brisket, and served it with a green salad with ranch dressing and a serve of a cold pasta salad. It was creamy and delicious. The meal was refreshing on a hot day.
Daily Check-In Questions
- Did I focus on energy instead of trying to fix everything at once? Yes
- Did I eat one proper lunch today, with something green? No
- Did I take one guilt-free treat and actually enjoy it? Yes
- Did I drink more water than yesterday? No
- After each meal, did I ask: “Did this help my energy?” No
- Did I move my body enough to feel even slightly better? No
- Did I take one grounding photo today? No
- Did I notice one tiny moment of gratitude? Yes
- Did I pause for one deep breath before responding? Yes
- Did I spend ten minutes tidying or decompressing tonight? Yes
- Did I reset one small space for my brain to land? Yes
25 November 2025
It was the beginning of the week and everyone was back to work. I started my morning with a decent breakfast (low carb bagel) and straight into work. I posted a blog post that hit me quiet hard to write, about the mess that I call a home. While I feel this was an important post to write, it really derailed me in a way I did not expect.
I’ve lived in the mess, the clutter, even with a baby, and it really didn’t hit me until I put it all out on paper and read it. This is the messiest I’ve ever felt and the spotlight on the shame associated with it, really sunk my spirits. I feel like a failure in every aspect of my life. From my body, my home, my work online. So, I somewhat spiralled. It wasn’t in a way that I just had to lay down and sleep it off, sort of way. It was just that gnawing, negative feeling that I’m not worth it, and that no one cares about my story or my journey.
The rest of the day, honestly feels like a blur. I did some work. I played a little WoW. Ruby and I had a nice long shower and an afternoon nap. When I woke up, it was hot and I didn’t feel like making dinner so we ordered pizza. It was delicious.
I feel like I’m not changing….and if I’m honest, I’m not. I know I can do more. I know I can try harder. I’m scared that each day, each week, I’m just going to keep putting it off. HELP!
Daily Check-In Questions
- Did I focus on energy instead of trying to fix everything at once? No
- Did I eat one proper lunch today, with something green? No
- Did I take one guilt-free treat and actually enjoy it? Yes
- Did I drink more water than yesterday? Yes
- After each meal, did I ask: “Did this help my energy?” No
- Did I move my body enough to feel even slightly better? No
- Did I take one grounding photo today? Yes
- Did I notice one tiny moment of gratitude? Yes
- Did I pause for one deep breath before responding? Yes
- Did I spend ten minutes tidying or decompressing tonight? Yes
- Did I reset one small space for my brain to land? Yes
26 November 2025
I woke up this morning and instantly wanted to go back to sleep. Ruby wanted to be awake, until she wasn’t. But during that one hour of forced awake, my face went into FULL awake mode. My brain started ticking with what I needed to get done today, the impending heatwave, and why ordering a thickshake is still not on my list of things to do.
I snuck out of bed to work on a review while Ruby kept sleeping. I also decided on a leftover pizza breakfast. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that I just get myself together and make the food choices I KNOW I should be making. I worked, and felt committed to a morning of work. I also got a load of laundry washed and into the dryer. Big moment in my morning.
It was another hot day and I tried to focus on writing some future blog posts, and work on my secret project that I wanted released two weeks ago. I spent the day kind of working, kind of laying in front of the fan. This weather is exhausting and it’s not even Summer.
For dinner I cooked a Meal Hope type meal. I put it all in one pot, shoved it in the air fryer and an hour later we settled in for a delicious, healthy meal of beef and vegetables. I think I’ll recreate it for a future episode of Meal Hope. Stay tuned.
Daily Check-In Questions
- Did I focus on energy instead of trying to fix everything at once? Yes
- Did I eat one proper lunch today, with something green? No
- Did I take one guilt-free treat and actually enjoy it? Yes
- Did I drink more water than yesterday? Yes
- After each meal, did I ask: “Did this help my energy?” No
- Did I move my body enough to feel even slightly better? No
- Did I take one grounding photo today? No
- Did I notice one tiny moment of gratitude? Yes
- Did I pause for one deep breath before responding? Yes
- Did I spend ten minutes tidying or decompressing tonight? Yes
- Did I reset one small space for my brain to land? Yes
27 November 2025
The morning started at a good time – 8.30 am. It was due to be another hot day and my brain was craving ordering takeaway for breakfast. I didn’t. I decided just to get straight into work because I didn’t really have anything to make for breakfast either.
That’s where the chaos laid down in my lap and said “hey bestie.” No matter what I tried to focus on, technology had other mischievous ideas and it made it hard to get anywhere. This became overwhelming all too quick because alongside a mountain of content I need to make, my uncle was coming to visit in the afternoon and I really wanted to make the house less of a disaster.
The house to do list was long. Get laundry out of the dryer, so it can join the two sofa seats full of clean laundry to be folded. Vacuum all the bits that can be seen, and probably the bathroom, just in case he needed to use it. Wash the kitchen floor. Take out trash. Clean kitchen benches and make sure the kitchen looks tidy enough. Straighten up the corner of doom, so it’s less… doomy. Get Ruby’s play area tidy. Get us both showered and into clean clothes.
I got most of it done and made a video about my day.
The visit with my uncle was great. He bought the cutest stuffed turtle for Ruby, that I’ll give her at Christmas time. We chatted, I shared some more of what’s been going on with me, including my mental health struggles. As he was leaving he said, “Don’t let the black dog get you.” He was talking about my depression and it couldn’t have come at a better time because I had been very much feeling consumed by it.
After he left, I picked up some meds, picked up dinner and finished the night relaxing.
Daily Check-In Questions
- Did I focus on energy instead of trying to fix everything at once? No
- Did I eat one proper lunch today, with something green? No
- Did I take one guilt-free treat and actually enjoy it? Yes
- Did I drink more water than yesterday? Yes
- After each meal, did I ask: “Did this help my energy?” No
- Did I move my body enough to feel even slightly better? Yes
- Did I take one grounding photo today? Yes
- Did I notice one tiny moment of gratitude? Yes
- Did I pause for one deep breath before responding? No. Big No.
- Did I spend ten minutes tidying or decompressing tonight? Yes
- Did I reset one small space for my brain to land? No
When I look back over this week, I can see the cracks — but also the courage. The courage to write through the fog, to show up in fragments, to keep telling the truth even when it’s uncomfortable. I didn’t feel calm. I didn’t feel clear. But I did stay honest, and maybe that counts for something.
This season is loud in every way — the weather, the world, my own thoughts. It’s easy to drown in the noise of it all. But somewhere between the chaos of takeaway dinners and late-night guilt spirals, I realised I don’t want my peace to depend on everything going right. I want to learn how to find it inside the mess. That’s the work now.
So as I step into Week Three, I’m choosing Calm and Clarity — not because I’ve mastered them, but because I need them. I need quiet that doesn’t feel like failure. I need space between my thoughts where shame can’t breathe. I need to remember that calm isn’t the absence of noise, it’s the ability to stay gentle within it.
If this week was survival, maybe next week can be stillness.
One slower breath. One clearer thought.
That’s where I’m heading — not perfectly, just presently.
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